The other day I was reading through a few different blogs just for fun, and I came across a post by Heirs With Christ entitled When Jesus Doesn't Dazzle. My heart fluttered a little when I read it because that's exactly how I've been feeling lately (By the way, you should really need to read that post. Rachel explains the numb-undazzled feeling much better than I do). I've been feeling numb and apathetic lately. I still read my Bible and pray everyday, yet my heart hasn't felt the blazing wildfire that it once did. There's no particular reason that comes to my mind to explain why this is; except that I haven't been keeping my focus on the light of the world, Jesus. I've filled my life with so many time consuming things that are completely meaningless without the one thing that I've been pushing to the side. I keep telling myself that one day, it'll all just come back to me; one day I'll feel the love and amazement that once set my soul on fire. But do you want to know something? You might want to take a screenshot of this, because I hate admitting it...I'm wrong. Life won't fix itself, problems won't sort themselves out, and a broken and bruised heart won't mend its own tattered flesh.
Something has to be done to let the enemy know that they cannot come like a thief in the night to take my heart from its rightful owner. I wear proudly, the seal of God upon my forehead (Ephesians 1:13). It cannot be removed. Just as I cannot be removed from the arms of my beloved Father (John 10:28-30).
I'm sure you've all at one time or another heard the expression that "God is a gentleman." It's true. He is the kindest, most lovingly patient gentleman that the universe has to offer. The depth of His patience knows no end (Romans 2:4). No matter how many times we turn from Him, He waits placidly (I imagine with a grin on his face) for us to realize that we've trapped ourselves, and the only way out is up. He calls out to us softly through the fog of sin that stands between us and Him. But our ears are muffled by our own hands. We refuse to hear our sins spoken aloud. He reaches out to lovingly touch our shoulder, but we've numbed ourselves to the touch of Christ. We won't allow ourselves to pay attention to the displays of grace before us. So God waits. After all, He knows when the time will be. He knows when the ice will melt from our hearts, and we will once again be set ablaze with His love.
It's the patience that is so incredible. God won't force Himself upon us. He gives us the choice. It's up to us to turn our hearts toward Him, and allow Him to wash the grime from our blackened hearts.
Something has to change within me. I have to make the decision to keep my eyes fixed on Him.
Don't give up on God. He will never give up on you (Deuteronomy 31:6).
I'm saying this not just for you, but for myself. I have to constantly remind myself that just because I don't feel dazzled by Christ, doesn't mean He no longer loves me, or that I'm hopeless. It just means my heart needs a change of direction, and my eyes need to focus not on the things of this earth, but on the things of Heaven (Colossians 3:1).
I will never leave you nor forsake you
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